A woman posted on Reddit recently: my male sub says he has no fantasies. None. Zero. He’s willing to follow her lead but offers nothing of his own. She was frustrated. She felt like she was doing all the creative work. She worried he wasn’t really into it. This is incredibly common – especially with male submissives, who carry a double layer of shame. Not just shame about what they want, but shame about wanting to submit at all. He’s not empty. He’s blocked. Here’s how to unblock him.
Why subs say they have no fantasies – the real reasons
Shame. Plain and simple. He’s spent years – possibly decades – being told that men should be dominant, should be in control, should not want to be vulnerable. His desires are buried under layers of cultural conditioning. He may not even know what he wants because he’s never allowed himself to think about it. Fantasy requires imagination. Imagination requires permission. He’s never given himself permission. So when you ask what he wants, he genuinely draws a blank. Not because nothing is there. Because he’s never opened that door. Your job isn’t to extract a fantasy from him. It’s to give him permission to have one at all. That’s a different task entirely.
What actually worked
Stop asking in bed. The bedroom is too loaded. Ask on a walk. In the car. Side by side, not face to face. Don’t ask what he wants. That question is too big. Ask smaller ones: what’s a scene in a film that turned you on? What’s something you’ve watched and thought about after? Is there a body part of mine you think about more than others? Small questions. Specific questions. Ones that don’t require him to claim an identity – just to notice a feeling. Give him assignments. Not sexy ones. Ask him to send you one image this week – anything – that sparked something in him. A film still. A description from a book. A memory. No judgment. No pressure. Just collection. Treat this like research, not seduction. The goal isn’t to find your next scene. It’s to build his vocabulary. He doesn’t have the words yet. Help him find them.
He does have fantasies. He’s just never been allowed to look at them directly. Your job is to hold the lantern – not to lead the way, just to make it safe enough for him to open his own eyes.
More stories like this.
Real talk about desire, intimacy, and figuring yourself out. No spam. Just honest writing.