I don’t have a daughter yet. But if I ever do, I know what I want to tell her. Not the speech my mother gave me – which wasn’t a speech at all, just a box of pads on my pillow and a look that said we never speak of this again. Not the lecture about danger and disease that passed for sex ed in school. Something different. Something true. Something that would have saved me decades of confusion if someone had said it to me.
What I’d say
Your body belongs to you. Not to me. Not to your future partner. Not to anyone who wants something from it. You decide who touches you, when, how, and for how long. This is non-negotiable. You’re allowed to want things. Desire is not shameful. Wanting is not weakness. Whatever you find yourself curious about – it’s probably more normal than you think. If you feel broken for wanting something, remember: someone taught you to feel that way. You can unlearn it. Pleasure is not a luxury. It’s a part of being human. Learn what your body likes – on your own, at your own pace. You don’t need a partner to discover yourself. And when you do have a partner: communicate. Tell them what feels good. Tell them what doesn’t. If they can’t hear that, they’re not ready to be with you. If it hurts, stop. If it doesn’t feel right, stop. If you changed your mind, stop. You can always restart later. Your no is complete on its own. It doesn’t need explanation or apology. And lastly: I’m always here. You can tell me anything. I won’t shame you. I won’t panic. I won’t make it about me. I’ll just listen. You’re safe here. Always.
This is the talk I never got. Maybe someday I’ll get to give it. Until then, I’m writing it down – for whoever needs to hear it.
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