I loved him. I just didn’t want to sleep with him. When sexual incompatibility can’t be fixed.
It wasn’t anyone’s fault. We were just mismatched — in desire, in curiosity, in the things that turned us on. Leaving was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It was also the right thing.
He said “that thing is weird” and I wanted to disappear. How to handle it when your partner doesn’t get it.
I showed him what I was into. He looked at it like it was evidence in a crime scene. The shame was immediate and overwhelming. Here’s what I did next — and what I wish I’d known.
My mum found my toy drawer and the conversation that followed changed our relationship.
She was looking for a phone charger. She opened the wrong drawer. I wanted the floor to swallow me. Then she said something I will never forget.
I walked into a BDSM dungeon for the first time and my hands were shaking. Here’s what actually happened.
I expected leather and chains and people who looked like they knew what they were doing. I didn’t expect tea and biscuits and a woman named Susan who asked if I was nervous. A real first-timer’s account.
I went from wanting sex constantly to wanting none at all. The desire spectrum is real — and you’re not broken.
Some years I couldn’t get enough. Other years the thought of being touched made me recoil. I thought I was broken. Then I learned about the desire spectrum — and everything clicked.
After childbirth I didn’t recognise my body. Here’s how I stopped waiting to go back and started moving forward.
Stretch marks. A C-section scar. Breasts that had fed a human and felt like they belonged to everyone but me. I kept waiting to feel like myself again. Then I realised — this is myself now. And I needed to meet her.
Sex hurt for years and every doctor told me it was in my head. It wasn’t. It was vaginismus.
Every time I tried to have sex, my body slammed the door shut. Doctors said relax. Use more lube. Have a glass of wine. None of them said vaginismus. When I finally got the right diagnosis, everything changed.
My antidepressants saved my life — and killed my sex drive. Here’s what I did about it.
I needed the medication. It kept me alive. But it also made sex feel like nothing. How I talked to my doctor, what options actually exist, and how I found a middle ground.
Menopause took a lot of things. I refused to let it take my desire.
Hot flashes. Vaginal dryness. A body that suddenly felt like a stranger’s. Everyone told me desire fades after 50. They were wrong. What actually happened — and how I reclaimed it.
The books that changed how I think about desire, trauma, and intimacy — a reading list for the curious
Best books about desire trauma intimacy psychology. Reading list recommendations. Come As You Are, Body Keeps Score, Attached, Mating Captivity.